“Tiny Dick Guy” by Ksenia

A song title such as “Tiny Dick Guy” is certain to draw attention. That’s what Russian born actress, influencer, and musical artist is hoping for. It isn’t just a crass attempt at garnering herself a chance to revel in the spotlight. Instead, it’s a gloriously comic invocation of the sort of clod-footed moron male who trumpets his superiority without having anything to back it up. Really, in the end, this song isn’t even about a penis. It’s much more about how anyone can stand up for themselves against those hoping to drag them down. Ksenia isn’t going to let anyone undercut her. Not for a minute.

Her comic vitriol isn’t like anything you’ve heard in recent memory. It pops with earthy language, a bit of slang, and has the wherewithal to connect with a vast swath of the listening public. She comes across with a smile on her face, but plenty of joyful swagger as well. Smirking and dissing over a funky club beat, she locks in early to the song’s rhythms and squeezes every bit of musical juice from the moment as she can.

There’s a bit of recurring saxophone in the song. It’s a masterstroke musically and helps give the track even more substance. Substance may not be what she’s looking for, per se, but she achieves it, by god. The percolating nature of the track grabs you and when the sax puts an exclamation point on key moments of the song, it sinks its hooks even deeper into the listener. She’s smart, as well, to keep things short and snappy; any good “joke” relies on brevity. It’s focus that helps elevate this cut several rungs up the ladder.

It has a thoroughly modern sound as well. It’s natural to expect this as Ksenia has worked with the music world’s elite. Writers such as Melanie Fontana and Gino Barletta recognize her talents. Producer Mario Marchetti hears the call as well. The production of this track sparkles with life-embracing energy that never relents and engages listeners with impressive physicality. You can hear Ksenia responding to each moment and the obvious fun she has digging her verbal claws into yet one more buffoonish man is difficult to resist. If not impossible.

Let’s hope she’s back soon with more. She’s traveling the country, laying down her comic yet true tales for whoever will listen, and the well is far from dry. Let’s hope, as well, that there aren’t any potential listeners turned off by her Russian heritage. Ksenia knows that music respects only life, not politics, not war, and she wants to connect with every possible listener. She’s done that here. The idiot who told her she was a nobody and too demanding when she simply wanted a WiFi password would do well to hear this track. There’s a strong chance that he won’t. He’s too busy looking into a mirror and realizing he’ll never be even half the person he vainly craves to be. Ksenia, meanwhile, is bringing joy to a world that’s too often joyless and we should take her side every time. 

Mindy McCall